7 Signs It’s Time to End Your Relationship
You love him – but maybe more like a brother than a lover. The relationship is comfortable, but it’s also stale and stifling. You start thinking: If I’m going to lonely, wouldn’t it be better to actually bealone? If any of this sounds familiar, it might be time to take action and end your relationship. Here’s some advice.
We’ve all done it, haven’t we?
We’ve languished in a dead-end relationship because, sometimes, status quo is easier than mustering the courage to end it and start fresh.
Breaking up is, as they say, hard to do, especially once you’ve so much invested time and energy into the relationship. Perhaps you enjoy the security that comes along with it, even while knowing deep in your soul that you are not cut out to make it as a couple and that breaking up would be best thing for you.
So what do you do?
According to Tina B. Tessina, PhD, (aka “Dr. Romance”), psychotherapist and author of The CommuterMarriage: Keep Your Relationship Close While You’re Far Apart, whether you’re married or dating if your relationship feels detrimental to your mental, emotional or physical well-being then it may be time for a change.
“Sometimes all efforts to keep a relationship going [will] fail and the only possible means of achieving happiness is to split up,” says Dr. Tessina. “When is it necessary to take this step? While no one can really answer that question except you and your partner, there are certain indicators that let you know a major change of some kind must be made.”
Dr. Tessina’s 7 warning signs it’s time to end your relationship
- Your spouse is in denial, makes excuses, blames you and/or is angry at you rather than taking responsibility.
- You have had it, and no longer feel connected. Be sure this isn’t just temporary anger.
- You are prepared to be on your own.
- You either have no children, they’re grown, or you’re certain a divorce will be better for them than what’s going on.
- He or she doesn’t keep appointments to talk.
- There are some indications there’s someone else.
- You fight when you talk.
Weigh your options
If you have one or more of these warning signs but are still on the fence about ending your relationship, Dr. Tessina suggests it might be a good idea to list your reasons to stay versus your reasons to go. This will help you decide if you’re getting enough from the relationship to keep it going. If your reasons to stay are all about guilt, not wanting to hurt the other person, or fear of being alone, you may want to talk to a therapist about them.
If you are finally ready to end your relationship, Dr. Tessina notes that the benefits of breaking up, and getting out of a bad relationship as opposed to letting it drag on, are many and include the two very important effects:
- You both have a new opportunity to create a relationship with someone more compatible
- Be merciful: The other person may be hurt, but letting the relationship languish just hurts them more
The bottom line: If you gave it your best shot and you know it’s over (or if it never really got started), don’t waste time in resentment and anger. Learn to let go.
Be the Man Every Woman Dreams to Be With
A man with a substance. It
is important to be a man with sense because a man with a substance is an
attractive man. Women find it amazing and attractive to see men who are
intelligent and know what they are doing and saying. An easy go lucky man is a
big turn off to most women. To be the man every woman dreams to be with, it is
important to have goals and plans in life.
A courteous and kind man.
It melts the heart of women to see a man who is courteous and kind to
everybody. Being nice not only to her but also to other people will increase
your attractiveness. Although modern women believe that they can do everything
a man can do, being a gentleman is still a good trait that can attract women.
Do not hesitate to offer assistance, open doors and pull a chair for her
because any act of kindness makes you more attractive.
A confident man. Being
confident is one key to attract women. The man every woman dreams to be with is
someone who is secure and confident with what he does. A man with a lot of
insecurities and hang ups is a big turn off to most women. If you do not have
it, there are ways to develop confidence with women and with constant practice;
you will become at ease around women.
A man with sense of humor.
Some women do not want to be with a man who is very serious. Women need some
good laugh and someone who can share the laughter with her. To be the man every
woman dreams to be with, you have to know how to make her laugh. A woman can’t
let go of someone who can brighten up her day and can make her laugh.
A man who knows how to groom. Being
handsome doesn’t mean you have look like those of Hollywood stars, but you can project
a handsome image by knowing how to groom. Smell good, appear fresh, clean and
wear the proper haircut and dress that suits your personality.
WOMAN TO WOMAN: DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU
I know as
women we love to give advice and share our opinions amongst each other. This is
how we bond, connect and build sisterhood. But we must be careful to not
confuse someone’s opinion with our truth. Everyone operates differently and
nobody is one in the same, so be cautious when taking advice, especially when
it comes to matters of the heart.
It’s easy to receive counsel
from your friends instead of asking yourself those hard but truthful questions
about the state of your relationship or situation. We seek validation when we
aren’t confident in our decision making or ourselves. Never second guess
yourself or undervalue your own feelings. If you know deep in your heart that
you love your man despite his flaws, then so be it. If you want to take him
back after he messed up, that is your prerogative. Or if you want to leave him,
and find your happiness again, don’t wait for permission. Your friends may call
you a fool (and they may or may not be right) but regardless, if that is what
you want to do, then go ahead. Nobody knows you better than you know yourself.
You are the only one who can satisfy your needs.
We are all on a different
timeline on this journey called life. Our experiences are uniquely made for us.
They will teach us important lessons that will apply to our next chapter in
life. So don’t block your blessings by walking in someone else’s shoes. It’s
okay to share your experiences and situations with close friends to vent and
get things off your chest. But don’t rely on others to be your problem solvers
or the captain of your ship. Because woman to woman, at the end of the day you
just have to do what works for you.
